Aug 10, 2007

Mystery Behind Britney Spears Madness Discovered

Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly contemplative, I wonder why celebrities can be such raging a-holes. To be more specific, why Britney Spears is so outlandishly beyond hope at the tender age of 25. I would like think that if I had access to all of the resources she does (did) that I would be able to ride that gravy train until I was well into my 30’s and possibly even my early 40’s. Let’s face it, Britney Spears fame and wealth were a product of very calculated efforts on the part of savvy marketers, industry professional and media experts. When you take away the thin veneer that disguised her lack of intelligence, charm, wit and talent, what you have left is a pair of sweaty daisy dukes, a couple of stained wifebeaters and some tacky Wet n’ Wild cosmetics.

The transformation which took place within Ms. Spears after she spurned those willing to shield her from the harshest of realities is nothing short of tragic. This is an object lesson for us mere mortals. What we see being spoon-fed to us by men in suits is the greatest kind of illusion. Britney without professional handlers, producers, music writers, backup dancers, stylists and most clearly her family, is a Britney not worth paying attention to.

That’s not to say that as an individual human being Britney is worth nothing, I genuinely don’t feel that way. She’s a mom, a daughter, a sister and probably even a friend to some, surely there are people who should and do care about her. But her magic as a celebrity is now gone and to see the awaiting paps in the above video falling all over themselves in feint concern, while cajoling this disaster of a human as she mindlessly hits another car, caused a papable sensation that can only be identified as nausea.

And that’s when it dawned on me. The sense of self-entitlement, the constant barrage of false praise and unearned accolades, always being told what you want to hear — it must truly warp a person’s sense of who they really are. Britney’s first concern was for her own car. Nevermind the innocent person’s vehicle she just struck. Not to mention that photogs persistent refrain of “Are you ok? Are you hurt Britney?”

Jeebus, she tapped a car going approximately 1 mph. Is she so fragile that this would cause her physical harm? Or maybe it was her emotional well-being they were worried about? Or MAYBE, even the camera wielding nitwits were so awestruck by her talent and charisma that they simply couldn’t help ingratiating themselves to Malibu’s very own trailer park Barbie.

Britney is on the verge of extinction. Either by her own hand, or the very fickle and gullible audience that once propelled her to fame. Without any discernible talent, even the public’s fascination with a trainwreck like Britney will eventually wane. Sadly, Britney is far too stupid to parse out the difference between those who follow her out of sheer curiosity as she implodes and actual fan worship.

Britney is barking mad.


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